BACKSTORY: Last summer, my little brother and this kid Brendan were having problems. Not for any particular reason, I don't think, but they just knew each other from around the neighborhood, and didn't like each other. So this kid's mom, Malanie (hate the woman, love how she spells her name), decides that instead of coming to Mom and talking about it, or even talking to Chris about it, she's going to start calling my brother (how she got the number, I have no idea) and harass him. Cussing, threatening, and all this jazz. So Mom got tired of this 36-year-old woman harassing her son, and took out a peace order on behalf of Chris against her. It expired about six months ago.

NOW.

I get a call from Chris around 3:10 yesterday afternoon, and he wanted to know where Mom was. I said she was in the bathroom, and I asked what was wrong. He said that this woman (see above) saw him walking to Subway with his friend Tyler, and started yelling at him from the house, saying she wants to fight his mom, his step-dad's shit, and yada yada yada. So I tell him to just come home, and let Mom deal with it, and he said okay, and hung up.

Around 3:30, we didn't see him or hear from him, so Mom looked at me and said "I have a bad feeling about this." So we decided to ride past the woman's street just to make sure nothing was going on, and that Christopher had actually left. We don't see anyone at first, and then - OH SHIT.

So we pull up to the house, and the first thing I see is this woman's boyfriend, Greg, standing and yelling in Chris' face. His friend Tyler looked at Mom and told her that Malanie had just spit in Chris' face. (The whole reason they never left, we found out later, is because when they were walking BACK from Subway, this crazy woman was telling her son Brendan to go kick Chris' ass, so the boys had been fighting). So Mom gets out of the car, pushes this guy away from Chris, and starts shouting in Malanie's face - "You don't put your fucking hands on my kid, you don't touch my fucking kid", yada yada yada.

So Tyler and I finally pull Chris away from everyone, and Mom finally calmed down enough to be rational. And she's talking to Malanie saying, "You get your crew in the house, I'll get my crew in the car, and we'll talk about this like adults." And the whole time, malanie's looking at Mom like, I'm not going anywhere with you. And Mom kinda laughed and said "I'm not going to hurt you." And Malanie (who is all of 5' 5" and 120 pounds (and Mom is MUCH bigger, trust me)), looks at Mom and says, "I ain't afraid of you, stupid bitch." And I'm like, uh oh.

So they start yelling again, and at this point, Brendan goes after Chris again, and Tyler and I are working on keeping them apart. And we finally get Chris almost in the car, and I hear someone spitting on someone, and I hear Mom say, "How do you like it, bitch?" And I turn around, and Malanie lunges at Mom. And like I said, Mom's bigger, and Mom doesn't sissy fight. So while Malanie's got Mom by the hair, Mom's got Malanie by the arms. And she says, "Fine, you wanna pussy fight?" And i'm like, shit. And Mom starts smacking this woman's head against a picket fence by her hair.

So the kid Brendan goes inside of his house, and comes outside with a baseball bat. I'm not even lying, a fucking BASEBALL BAT. And he starts walking towards Mom. And Chris and Tyler see this, and Chris flips out and goes after the kid, but Tyler got to him first, and just ripped the bat away from him.

So I'm trying to pull Mom and Malanie off of each other, screaming at them. I said something like, "DO you see what you're fucking doing to your kids? You guys needs to stop it." And They both kind of looked at me, and they're both standing straight at this point. So, I kind of get between them, but not really. I had one hand on mom's chest, and the other in front of the woman (I wasn't touching that crazy bitch), and all of a sudden, I get a fist in my face. TWICE.

So I lost it. I was already hysterical, and scared to death, and pissed as ALL hell, and when I finally get the women off of each other, the stupid bitch PUNCHES me.

All I know is when I came back to my senses, this woman's on the ground, and my hand hurts, and mom's trying to get past ME to hit this woman (mom claims she COMPLETELY lost it after she hit me). So I probably got in a hit or two. And then I see this little kid Brendan come over and start banging on Mom's head. And Chris flips the fuck out, and goes after Brendan, like, "You don't touch my fucking mom, you don't put your fucking hands on my mom."

Back to getting Chris away from everything. it took Tyler AND I to keep him pinned to the car. So while I'm trying to calm Chris down, whatever happens and the women stop fighting. Mom walks to the car, calls out that the woman's trailor trash (she sort of IS), and gets in the car. She tells me to call the police so I do, and I talk to them on the way home. We get home, I hang up, and mom tells me to take everyone in the house. And I ask why.

"Because if this bitch is sendin' me to jail, I'm going back to make sure she's hurt enough to mean it."

So I start crying. I'm just so hysterical and angry and worked up by this point, I just start crying. No lie. And I'm begging Mom to just go in the fucking house. And she says no, she's doing this right. And so I said, "Fine. I'm eighteen now, then take me fuckin' with you."

So Mom decided to go in the house.

Police were called, charges were pressed, peace orders taken out... It was a fun day yesterday.

And I wish this were some story I was making up for laughs and entertainment. But it's not.